Dealing with Your Parents’ Divorce as a Teenager
If you’re a teen looking for tips to help teens cope with divorce, you’re in the right place. Although divorce is not necessarily an easy experience to go through, it is something that everyone can survive with the right skills, tools, and communication. Today we’ll discuss several ways to move through the difficult moments that teens coping with divorce might experience.
Release any feelings of responsibility
As difficult as it might be, it’s essential to remember that when parents divorce it is not your fault. Children and teens do not hold any responsibility for the adults who are ending their relationship. Although there’s no denying that the end of your parent’s relationship has an effect on the family as a whole, the choice to end or continue a relationship is between the people who are in the relationship. It’s normal to disagree with their decision, or wish it was different. No matter what they fight about or how the situation might feel, it’s not your fault.
Communicate when you are ready
When it comes to the way you feel about your parents and their divorce, it’s important to share those feelings with your parents and other safe adults in your life. Talking about feelings isn’t always easy, and the feelings of a teen coping with divorce are no exception. But, these types of feelings aren’t supposed to be kept inside to deal with alone. It's important to remember that even during a situation like divorce, it’s your parent's job to protect you and not the other way around. Sometimes we might feel like it’s easier not to be completely honest about our feelings if they might hurt someone else.
For example, the next time you have to go through a difficult circumstance, like going out to dinner as a family, let them know how the experience reminds you of a time before the divorce. This can help start a new conversation with your parents.
Good communication helps us express feelings that are uncomfortable for everyone while still being kind and thoughtful rather than lashing out. As a teen, experiencing family conflict might feel like the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Even though it’s painful, it is possible to navigate through teen family conflict in a healthy way that helps you grow in the long run.
Speak with a therapist
This is a great time to get support from a therapist. If your parents are seeing a therapist while they navigate their divorce, there’s a chance that the therapist could also talk to you. Don’t be afraid to ask your parents and guardians for extra support. Sometimes, talking to a third-party professional who respects your privacy feels safe and comforting when it seems like everything else in your life is changing. If you’re not able to go to therapy, start with your school guidance counselor. Their position exists to provide support, counsel, and safety in situations that are challenging to navigate. Divorce is hard on everyone involved and there is no shame in asking for extra support, like therapy for teen girls. You’ll likely learn new, healthier ways to deal with your new family dynamic. These tips will help you now and in the future when other types of conflict or discomfort arise.
Prioritize self-care
Although prioritizing self-care is always important, sometimes it becomes more difficult to keep up our favorite self-care practices when we’re feeling anxious, sad, or angry. Although it is entirely understandable that you might not want to engage with your normal habits, the fact is that not caring for yourself doesn’t do anything to improve your experience. If anything, neglecting to care for yourself will likely make you feel worse. That being said, it’s important to give yourself grace. If you don’t have the energy for all of your normal self-care practices, pick just two or three that you know you can stick to. They don’t always have to be the same. However, when you choose to dedicate this time to yourself, you’re showing yourself proof that you’re worthy of love and care no matter what is going on around you even if it feels like others aren’t doing a very good job showing you.
Some self-care ideas include a light stretch before bed, planning a nutritious meal that will fuel your body, writing your day’s experience in a journal, or trying a new sport by yourself or with friends.
Stick to a routine
This tip goes hand in hand with the above tip and might even make it easier for you to stick to. Once you’ve identified your self-care must-haves, work them into your schedule so that you have less of an excuse to skip them on a bad day. For example, when you shower and brush your teeth each morning add drinking a glass of water after your teeth have been brushed to make it easier to incorporate hydration into your daily routine. If you’re not ready to dive into your homework after school, get permission from an adult to go for a short walk every day after school to get some extra movement in. Moving your body during times of stress and anxiety is a wonderful tool that benefits both your heart and your mind. Whatever it is you choose, place it into your day in a way that’s hard to skip. Having a routine is a great way to connect to something that you can control even when there are a lot of things around you that feel out of your control.
Our final reminder to you is to remember that your parent’s divorce is not your fault. While your parents' romantic relationship may be coming to an end, it doesn’t mean your family story has to end. Family is a beautiful thing because we can choose what it looks like. Try to give yourself and your parents some extra love and patience as you navigate through some tough changes. With a lot of love, communication, and hard work, you can come to the other side of this in one piece. For more support reach out to us at Blossom Into A Better You in St. Petersburg.
